And for what?

This post is part of The Write On Project
Topic: Entitlement

Cold tile floors woke my toes and I
Shuffled brewed beans before my nose so I
Could see before I saw the writing on the wall
That this would be a day that just got away
That my nasty breath would pale to the noxious rage
That would poison the air and stain the thoughts
Of tiny canvases who were caught
In my direct line of fire

My fire
My anger
Mine
It was all mine
All mine

This bubbling pot over a burner boiled
This brand new chance for today cooked
This smile, this moment, this gift, this now
This get down on the floor and wrap my arms around my child
And teach her with my eyes of love and refuge and light

Gone

And for what?
For a look, word or glance, imagined or enhanced
For tired eyes and selfish thoughts scrawled on forgotten lines in my mind
For a want without a need
For invented cuts that don’t bleed
For what I feel I deserve but plainly didn’t earn

So as I stewed in the pot of my own creation
The pot boiled over and burned anyone foolish enough to pass by my furrowed brow
And I sit there immersed in my own shit

And for what?

While I flung my fury unrestricted
I convinced myself that was permitted
Unconvincing even to myself I saw
That still nothing was resolved
When the boil fell to a simple simmer
The steam cleared and clarity came to show me
All the stains on faces below me
That my ire was contrived
That it was I who created this
This steaming pile of boiling shit
That soiled this day yet begun
That sullied the air we breathe
That slayed hope, executed security and laid waste to joy
right there in my family’s kitchen

Who was I to feel so entitled to the rage that I claimed
Who am I if not the man who can stand on his own two
For his own two
And breathe peace before you
Who will I be if I do not allow my stumbles to let me see
That I deserve only that which I earn
That what I teach they will learn
That anger, that love, when released, will return

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About Mitchell Brown

I am a stay at home dad with my two daughters who are a lot stronger than they look. When I'm not cooking, cleaning, dancing, reading, teaching, playing or protecting my eyes and groin, I am writing about this whole experience in all of its ridiculousness.
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6 Responses to And for what?

  1. Holly H. says:

    WOW! That was great Mitchell. So profound. You are an insightful and articulate genius! Here’s to flipping the script today. You already took the first step. Hug those girls for their Aunt Holly please.

  2. David says:

    My brother,

    Your rantings sound like my outlook and actions on life this very past week. Have you been talking to Lesley? This is way too wierd. Anger and the rage that ensues is poison, and truly harmful. Something our immune systems are not naturally equipped to handle. We must apologize to all we have affected to try to offset it’s effects and the damage it may have caused. Again this is way too close to home for me this week. Curious, because neither of us would usually be thought capable of this. May we be able to replace that anger with the love that is truly there. Thanks, David

  3. Mitchell, that was an awesome post. Yes I have been there too… and always look back with regret. It’s easy to let the pot “boil over”. You are very talented to be able to put together a poem like that. It’s easy to sit down and write something… to be able to put it into words that make poetry is, to me, an amazing skill. Nice work!

    • Thank you so much, Steve. Those regrets are so often the catalyst to allow us to grow, aren’t they?

      I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts, too!

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